These COVID-19 times are tough and the universe is sending us a message that as a species we are not completely invincible – something that we forget at times due to the high level of development we have achieved. This is, however, a time to reflect and look inwards towards who we are and the course of action that we would like to take towards the future.

Over the years the world has become a place where each one of us believes that it is important to compete in order to survive. Quotes like ‘survival of the fittest’, while intended for the larger evolutionary context, are applied to individual scenarios these days. Selfishness may still be a ‘bad’ word but it has been replaced with the abused version of ‘self-love’.

When one hears compassionate stories of people helping those in need and some who hoard stuff for themselves or sell fake sanitizers to make a profit, one wonders whether we are innately compassionate or competitive.

Compassion is defined as the feeling you get when you see or hear of someone’s suffering and have a motivated response to help them or reduce their problem. It is different from empathy which is only a feeling (and may or may not result in action), mimicry (that almost all of us indulge in when we see another person consciously or unconsciously), or pity (involves a feeling that the person suffering is somewhat inferior to you in some way).

Is Compassion Innate? What is the Evolutionary Basis of Compassion?

Compassionate tribes survived the ages

In 1871, Charles Darwin argued in the ‘Descent of Man’ and I quote, ‘Sympathy would have increased through natural selection; for those communities, which included the greatest number of the most sympathetic members, would flourish best, and rear the greatest number of offspring’. What he basically argued was that tribes and groups that showed more compassion towards each other would have survived better and therefore it is a trait that has actually been kept alive by the rules of survival of the fittest.

Compassion is still one of the most important drivers of choosing a romantic partner

Another proof that compassion and kindness are traits that have flourished over the millions of years is a research done by David Buss from the University of Texas. He surveyed more than 10,000 people across 37 countries and found that kindness was a major engine of attraction in partnering romantic relationships.

Kindness does not have to be taught to kids

Nancy Eisenberg and Kochanska found in a research that 18-month old children reach out to help an adult who accidentally drops something on the floor. Before, society sweeps in to mold the minds of these young ones, the instinct is to help someone to whatever capacity you can!

Kindness is contagious

What started with James Fowler and Nicholas Christakis in their book called Connected was taken further by Simone Schnall who conducted studies that showed that seeing someone perform acts of generosity motivated the observer to be more generous.

What Holds us Back from Being More Compassionate?

While compassion is biologically embedded in us via evolution, it is one of the most plastic aspects of our existence. It can be molded by environment and upbringing far easily than some of the other more stubborn genetic traits. Secure relationship with parents, a trauma-less upbringing, and an environment of compassion create kind and compassionate people.

At a very broad level, I would say that our society has moved towards a more individualistic approach over time. Some of the things that keep us from being more compassionate are:

Possible Personal Loss – Paranoia about possible personal loss (in the area of health, finances, power, or relationships) has led to us thinking about our own benefit and maybe the benefit of a few people in our close circle of friends and family. The worry is caused and increased by the kind of things that we see around us, which brings me to the next point…

Heightened Paranoia – The media brings is a much larger proportion of stories of horror than stories of compassion, heroism or kindness. There are many more unsung heroes than we can possibly imagine because almost all the we hear about are atrocities meted out by the powerful, inhuman sufferings of the downtrodden, and unfairness of rules towards some groups. On the other hand, we are exposed to the grand lifestyles of those who have made it in life. The lesson that most of us take away is that being selfish and competing at all costs gets you success!

Lack of Time – The good Samaritan study conducted by Batson and Darley showed that those who were not in a rush to get someplace or finish something were 6 times more likely to help someone in need. With the current lifestyle that we have all adopted in the recent times, where do you think there is time for giving the other person some thought, let alone help in the case of need?

Aggressive Video Games – While this may be a controversial claim, Bushman and Andersen have conducted studies that playing gory and violent video games numbs and saturates young minds to an extent that they feel less empathetic.

Group Differences – Empathy and compassion is known to be higher among specific groups. One is less likely to help people of a different color, race, country, religious belief, or identified group. There is concerted effort towards reducing this kind of bias and transcending the barrier but more noise is being made about this than what is actually translating into actual thought and behavior (because it is sacrilegious to say something racist people don’t, but they may not still actually believe it or feel it).

Confidence – This last one is a big one because it harms from the inside. While a lot of people feel compassionate, they have the inner critic that tells them that they are not capable of making a difference. Some charities believe that by explicitly showing what a specific donation can get for a community or a child or an aged, the likelihood increases. This happens since people become aware of what they ‘can’ achieve by contributing what they can.

Compassion May Be Innate But What’s in it For You?

Given how we think these days, it is imperative that the above question be answered. Unbeknownst to most of us, compassion has a whole bunch of benefits. It leads to one of the things that almost everyone seems to be seeking today (albeit in the wrong direction).

Hooria Jazaieri’s study showed that merely thinking compassionate thoughts increases happiness levels dramatically. Neuroscientists James Rilling and Gregory Berns showed that when subjects were gicen a chance to help others, the areas in the brain that lit up are the same as those that light up when you receive rewards or recognition. Basically, indicating that compassion leads to a feeling of reward. Compassion also stimulates the vagal tone that is mainly indicative of less stress and higher levels of relaxation.

Doing acts of compassion set up a positive loop wherein compassion creates happiness and happiness leads to more compassionate acts. It is a self-sustaining cycle of the one state everyone is running behind.

Compassion also brings along less loneliness, lower chances of depression, stronger immune system, better heart health (twice as much as aspirin), fewer body aches, and reduces existential crisis. Studies have shown that those who volunteer for 2 or more charities reduce their chances of death by 44%.

I end with an ancient Chinese proverb:

If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap.

If you want happiness for a day, go fishing.

If you want happiness for a month, get married. (though research shows that marriage gives you happiness for 2 years on average)

If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune.

And if you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody else.